I write you this letter to encourage you because I know that life can be tough, and when the going gets tough one can easily get distracted, discouraged and could even miss the mark. Among other things that tries to pull down promising young talents on the way to achieving their goals and dreams like you, are gossips, rumours and calumny. A saying has it that “strong minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events and weak minds discuss people.” This saying seems to be correct and has stood the test of time. The weak minds here perfectly describe the category of gossipers. Never get distracted by gossips dear friend. Yes, it is true that a man´s enemy is always within, so those who gossip about you aren’t far from you, they could be your kinsmen, friends and folks. Yet, never get discouraged.
What is gossip? Wikipedia defines gossip as “an idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.” Cambridge defines it as “conversation or reports about other people’s private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true.” So, a gossip also called gossipmonger is “someone who enjoys talking about other people and their private lives.” The underlining words here are “personal or private affairs (lives) of others.” The Old and New Testament of the Christian Bible condemns gossip strongly.
Gossip is that thing you cannot say to the person, or persons face-to-face because they are false premonitions or the creations of your own fantasies. They are lies and prejudices aimed at discrediting the integrity of the other. They are used to score cheap points by those who are interested in listening.
Those who discuss about people at their back are either afraid of them or have an inferiority complex. I encourage you dear friend, never be taken aback by gossips, they are just gossips. The objective of gossips is to slow your pace, to weaken you and to discourage you. Never give in to them. And never join their company as well.
In case you are still uncertain or in doubt of what gossip is, look at this assessment: Does the chat or discussion rejoice in the misfortune of others? Does it have a negative emotional charge or seem to perpetuate conflict or negativity? Does it hurt or damage the one being spoken of? Would you say it in front of this person´s face? Is it an unsubstantiated rumour about another´s situation? If so, then have no more doubts, these are gossips.
When they gossip about you, it means that you are ahead of them. They feel surpassed by the heights you have reached. Never react, when you do, you are sending signals that they have succeeded. They are happy to see you feel bad or saddened. Gossips and rumours belong to the same family and the have the main objective. Only the unfocussed fall into their prey, the determine and firm heart, hear the gossips and is emboldened.
The developers of most of the apps we are using today in the cyberspace for instance, Google, Microsoft, Facebook, WhatsApp and other infotech apps never sat down discussing nor discrediting the inventors or creators of the earlier apps rather they analyzed ideas and the principles and sought ways of creating other apps to meet contemporary needs. Great minds compete on the level of ideas, creativity, productivity and efficiency. So why sit down and gossip about those who are making genuine efforts, why seek to discredit the other instead of seeking ideas to advance and improve yours. Man is a bundle of possibilities, intelligence and potentialities. Lack of focus is a cankerworm. Gossips belong to the group of individuals with a missed priority.
A gossip is like a bad defender in the game of football who attempts to pull down or impedes the progress of an attacker approaching the goal. In such cases, the defender usually gets penalized with a yellow card or red card and a freekick or penalty awarded to the opponents depending on the gravity of the pulling and the proximity to the goal line. Like the work of that bad defender, gossip can kill morale and disrupt productivity. When this happens, the gossipmonger has achieved his or her aim.
Surely, my dear friend, I know you are not a gossip yourself, but if you are, I advise that instead of wasting time gossiping about others, me bethinks that it will do you good to convert that time and energy into something productive to yourself and fix up your future. Gossiping doesn’t subtract anything from the supposed-victims, it only shows that you are lazy, destructive and have bad will. Live your life and let others be.
I will conclude this reflection dear friend with a story. Once upon a time, an old man spread rumours that his neighbour was a thief. As a result, the young man was arrested. Days later he was proven innocent. After being released, he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him. In the court the old man told the judge, “They were just comments, they didn´t harm anyone.” The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man, “write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper.” “Cut it up into little pieces and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out of your car window. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.” The next day, the judge told the old man, “Before receiving the sentence, I want you to go out and gather up all the pieces of paper that you threw out of your car window yesterday.” The old man said, “I can´t do that! The wind spread them all over the place and won´t know where to find them.” Then the judge replied, “The same way, simple words and comments may destroy the honour of a person to such an extent that a person will not be able to fix it. If you can´t speak well of someone, don´t say anything at all. Let´s all be masters of our mouths, so that we won´t be slaves of our words.”
Now the lesson dear friend: “Gossips are worse than thieves because they steal another person´s dignity, honour, reputation and credibility which are impossible to restore. So, remember this: when your feet slip, you can always recover your balance but when your tongue slips, you can never recover your words!”
My Fatherly advice dear friend: If you are a gossipmonger, you can covert that time and energy to something productive; if you are or have ever been a victim of gossip, never lose your confidence, be strong and keep moving.
From whichever angle you look at it from you will see it, my dear friend, that gossip is counter-productive. Concentrate on your goals and strive into becoming the person of your dreams!
26.06.2018 Valentine Umoh